Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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