She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
