you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
