They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
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