all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
