we made out on top of his cat.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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