The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize