She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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