my mouth tastes like poor choices
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You are a genius and a whore.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
