I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I didn't notice because vodka
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
His nipple licking is glorious
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