Nicole vs. Life
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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