please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
