3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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