I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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