So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
