I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
