Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
