the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize