i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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