Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
