This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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