Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize