When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
