Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
