I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
