I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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