how do flat chested girls get laid?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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