I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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