Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
4 words: hood of his car
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
