after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
