I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
