This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
