i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
