This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
