is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
