Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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