Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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