GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
