dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
