he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
