someone owes me an orgasm
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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