$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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