Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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