dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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