dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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