Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
