i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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