It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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