Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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