what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
