Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
