I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
