So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
