Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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