sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize