I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
