can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I smell like Dick and happiness
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
