he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Is it because I queefed?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
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