I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
