jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
