just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
