Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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