Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
