I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
