I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
