Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
