she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize