Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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