i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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