Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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