five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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