My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
