Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
