Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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