My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
operation have a gay friend backfired
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
