thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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